Kentucky's List of Billy Gillispie Replacements

Well, that didn't last long.

I've been poo-poohing the Kentucky media of all forms lately for eating themselves alive over Billy Gillispie's status as head coach of the basketball team. I don't really care to talk about it, and it's honestly none of my business what the University and its Athletics Department do with this THREAT LEVEL MAGMA situation. But in the interest of generating some pageviews and entertaining myself, here's who I heard (read: made up) was on the short list of Gillispie's potential replacements:

1. Billy Donovan

Pros: coached a football school to two consecutive national titles despite having paltry fan support; Pitino disciple (his name was Saul before he converted).

Cons: Looks like Eddie Munster, whiny, bought a Stealth Bomber so he could avoid being flight tracked this time

2. Miley Cyrus:

Pros: Doing a great job making inroads to the budding Chinese recruiting landscape, her dad's from eastern Kentucky

Cons: dates a Jonas brother or something (it's a felony), doesn't understand basketball

3. Rick Barnes

Pros: Strong recruiting base in the athletic hotbed that is Texas, has strong NCAA resume

Cons: Had the best college player in the game since 1984 in Kevin Durant and still couldn't execute a basic offense; looks like Deputy Dog

4. Chris Brown

Pros: Should relate well to potential recruits, has lots of money, has lots of friends with lots of money, and has been known to hit girls in the face repeatedly a sweet jump shot from time to time

Cons: Inexperienced coach, experienced choker

5. Rich Brooks

Pros: Knows what it's like to turn a program around, good rapport with Athletics Department, eats rocks for breakfast

Cons: Busy with football, gruff and honest with media, hates Howie Long (not really a con)

If you've got a better idea, let me hear it in the comments.