RANDY SANDERS ORDERS CHINESE TAKEOUT

This is how I wear my sunglasses.

SCENE: Coach Sanders's office at the Nutter Training Center. A screen showing film of Kentucky's loss to LSU flickers in the background, and water drips though a sagging ceiling tile onto the floor. A bucket, presumably to be used for catching said drips, is oddly place two feet to the left of the pooling water.

Golly, I've been watching this game film for hours, and I still don't see how those linebackers, safeties, defensive ends, defensive tackles, and defensive backs managed to get to Morgan Newton so fast on Saturday! It's like an enigma! But boy, I sure am hungry. In the mood for some Chinese takeout, I think. Lemme grab the old Lexington phone book here, I know there's some good Oriental eating to be had around these parts.

/picks up 1998 Lexington Bell South phone book

Ah, let's see here. Here's one, Wok 'n' Go, 273-4000. Sounds like a winner.

/dials 694-6279

COACH SANDERS: Hello, Wok 'n' Go? I'd like to order a Number 33 Sesame Chicken with a side of pork fried rice.

VOICE ON OTHER END: Uh, this isn't Wok 'n' Go. I think you have the wrong number.

COACH SANDERS: It's not? Isn't this 273-4000?

VOICE: No, this is Jim, it's a private residence, and the phone number is 694-6279. You probably dialed the wrong number.

COACH SANDERS: Gosh, gee! Sorry about that. Have a good day, I'll try again!

/voice hangs up.

COACH SANDERS: Okay, let's do this again. 273-4000...

/hits redial

COACH SANDERS: Wok 'n' Go? Hi, I'd like a Number 33

/cut off by voice

VOICE: No, no, this is Jim again. You've got the wrong number.

COACH SANDERS: Really? Twice in a row, huh? Go figure. Sorry 'bout that.

VOICE: No problem. Bye.

/hangs up

COACH SANDERS: Geez, this is nuts! How'd I do that twice in a row? The odds! Okay, lemme be sure this time...

/actually dials 273-4000

COACH SANDERS: Wok 'n' Go? Hi, I'd like a Number 33 with pork fried rice.

NEW VOICE ON OTHER END: Uh, dude, this is Five Guys Burgers & Fries. Wok 'n' Go closed up five years ago.

COACH SANDERS: What? But that's the number in the phone book! I'm lookin' at it right here!

NEW VOICE: No, man, they're closed. This is Five Guys.

COACH SANDERS: Well, gee. I give up. Tell you what, Five Guy, I'll go ahead and order from you. I'll take your Number 3 value meal, whatever that is, with a coke and fries. How about that?

NEW VOICE: Uh, okay.

COACH SANDERS: I'm on my way!

/runs into door three times before opening it to leave office
//picks up Number 1 value meal with chips and a diet slice instead of Number 3 value meal
///runs Kentucky offense into the ground

FIN.