AbG CONTINUES ON TUMBLR

In case you weren't aware, the legend of Anything but Gatorade continues on Tumblr here: www.anythingbutgatorade.tumblr.com. It's more pictures and occasional blurbs about sports. Try it, you'll like it.

ADIOS, MUCHACHOS Y MUCHACHAS

Hey, y'all, it's your favorite hybrid UK/Vandy blogger here. Just wanted to let you loyal readers (yes, all eight of you!) know that this is probably my last post on Anything but Gatorade. I'll still tweet because that's fun (follow me @AbGatorade !) and I'll probably do some fan posts about how Matt Jones sucks or something over on A Sea of Blue (assuming Glenn will still have me) or maybe even Vanderbilt Sports Line or Moral Victory! or Anchor of Gold, but my time here is done. Work and stuff, you know the drill. It's been a lot of fun, posting pictures of passed-out drunk chicks and cats with monocles, but like all good things, this too must pass.

As an aside, is it weird that I follow just two UK blogs and lots more Vandy ones? I think it's probably because, while there a kajillion UK blogs, only two of them are any good, and the comments section on one of them (KSR) is worse than AIDS. Those Vandy blogs are fun, though. Those dudes RT @me and everything! Good times.

Where was I? Oh yes, the leaving. Hope everyone enjoyed it while it was here, and have a great basketball season!

VANDERBILT HAS A CHANCE AGAINST GEORGIA

That is ADORABLE. via SBNation.

Kentucky has a bye week, so for the first time in a month, we can guarantee they won't lose on Saturday. Vanderbilt hosts the Georgia Bulldogs, a team that is a riddle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a tortilla. The Dawgs, as stupid Georgia fans are wont to call them, are 4-2 right now and fresh off 3 straight SEC wins against average SEC teams. Vanderbilt, presumably 100% recovered from the butchery they endured at the hands of Alabama last week, nonetheless has a chance against Georgia. John Madden would tell you that to win the game, Vanderbilt must score more points that the other guy, and then eat a fried turkey leg with a gravy dipper. John Madden, football genius.

No clue who's gonna start at quarterback on Saturday, but it's Larry Smith. Save your vitriol for your wide receivers, Commies fans. Have fun!

KENTUCKY FOOTBALL: STATE OF THE PROGRAM

I didn't even watch the game on Saturday. Didn't watch any games. I drank beer on a buddy's farm, drove some ATV's, rode horses, played with my kid, and generally enjoyed the weather. It was a great day.

KEYS TO THE GAME: KENTUCKY AT SOUTH CAROLINA

I don't know what's going on there, but I like it.

Remember when I used to do Q&A's with bloggers that covered other teams? Man, those were the days. Here's what Kentucky needs to do to beat South Caro....hahahahah, I almost got through that sentence.

1) Teach the offense how to also play defense. I don't know if you knew this or not, but Melvin Ingram, SCar's starting defensive end has scored more touchdowns (3) than our entire roster of running backs combined. He's also caught two interceptions. Defensive end, folks. He lines up ten feet away from the quarterback. Two interceptions. He's questionable to play on Saturday, but just in case, let's hope Kentucky's vaunted O-line learns to tackle.

2) Teach the defense how to run block. Sure, Steve Spurrier's gotten a lot of press this week about how he's "finally" sending Steven Garcia to the bench and starting Connor Shaw. Sure he is. We all know how hard it's been for you to quit ol' Stevie Interception, Ball Coach. He's like a bad penny, keeps turning up in the lineup even though he's hungover, brought a freshman from Pi Phi to the team meeting, threw three interceptions, and has almost as many negative rushing yards as Morgan Newton. Stevie G. and his floating pal, shirtless Matthew McConnaughey will be out there, and Kentucky's secondary needs to be ready.

3) Solve for Marcus Lattimore. (1) Identify that the Kentucky defense needs to stop Marcus Lattimore. (2) ?????????????? (3) Profit!

4) Oh yeah, Alshon Jeffrey. Out of keys here. Good luck, Wildcats.

RANDY SANDERS ORDERS CHINESE TAKEOUT

This is how I wear my sunglasses.

SCENE: Coach Sanders's office at the Nutter Training Center. A screen showing film of Kentucky's loss to LSU flickers in the background, and water drips though a sagging ceiling tile onto the floor. A bucket, presumably to be used for catching said drips, is oddly place two feet to the left of the pooling water.

Golly, I've been watching this game film for hours, and I still don't see how those linebackers, safeties, defensive ends, defensive tackles, and defensive backs managed to get to Morgan Newton so fast on Saturday! It's like an enigma! But boy, I sure am hungry. In the mood for some Chinese takeout, I think. Lemme grab the old Lexington phone book here, I know there's some good Oriental eating to be had around these parts.

/picks up 1998 Lexington Bell South phone book

Ah, let's see here. Here's one, Wok 'n' Go, 273-4000. Sounds like a winner.

/dials 694-6279

COACH SANDERS: Hello, Wok 'n' Go? I'd like to order a Number 33 Sesame Chicken with a side of pork fried rice.

VOICE ON OTHER END: Uh, this isn't Wok 'n' Go. I think you have the wrong number.

COACH SANDERS: It's not? Isn't this 273-4000?

VOICE: No, this is Jim, it's a private residence, and the phone number is 694-6279. You probably dialed the wrong number.

COACH SANDERS: Gosh, gee! Sorry about that. Have a good day, I'll try again!

/voice hangs up.

COACH SANDERS: Okay, let's do this again. 273-4000...

/hits redial

COACH SANDERS: Wok 'n' Go? Hi, I'd like a Number 33

/cut off by voice

VOICE: No, no, this is Jim again. You've got the wrong number.

COACH SANDERS: Really? Twice in a row, huh? Go figure. Sorry 'bout that.

VOICE: No problem. Bye.

/hangs up

COACH SANDERS: Geez, this is nuts! How'd I do that twice in a row? The odds! Okay, lemme be sure this time...

/actually dials 273-4000

COACH SANDERS: Wok 'n' Go? Hi, I'd like a Number 33 with pork fried rice.

NEW VOICE ON OTHER END: Uh, dude, this is Five Guys Burgers & Fries. Wok 'n' Go closed up five years ago.

COACH SANDERS: What? But that's the number in the phone book! I'm lookin' at it right here!

NEW VOICE: No, man, they're closed. This is Five Guys.

COACH SANDERS: Well, gee. I give up. Tell you what, Five Guy, I'll go ahead and order from you. I'll take your Number 3 value meal, whatever that is, with a coke and fries. How about that?

NEW VOICE: Uh, okay.

COACH SANDERS: I'm on my way!

/runs into door three times before opening it to leave office
//picks up Number 1 value meal with chips and a diet slice instead of Number 3 value meal
///runs Kentucky offense into the ground

FIN.

DEATH...WAS EXPECTED

As expected, LSU pounded Kentucky into a fine powder and sprinkled them all over a delicious fried alligator with a side of jambalaya on Saturday afternoon. Kentucky did, however, manage to make it out of Baton Rouge without much in the way of injuries. Kentucky almost made it an entire half without making a first down, and the new vogue prop bet for the season should now be "number of three and outs before UK's offense gains 10 yards in one possession." Our next opponent is South Carolina, so I'll go ahead and set the line at 4.

I think the Cats' defense played pretty well considering they were on the field for the entire first half. Offensively, though, they were terrible. Clemons did okay running the ball, but Newton couldn't complete a third down pass to a wide open Roddy White. Matt Jones says Newton's not the problem, and he's not all wrong, but the guy is not at all accurate, he locks onto his receivers like they're Beyonce doing a striptease, and the clock in his head on passing downs must be a rooster that died on the way to the stadium. It doesn't work.

Good news is, Vanderbilt had a bye week to prepare against a Crimson Tide team that made Florida look like shit in Gainesville on Saturday night. Yippee!